If Edie Sedgwick had have written her own theme tune instead of letting the boys tell their version of her story, this would be it. A dose of ‘Poor Little Rich Girl’ blues with a glass shattering Euro-trash edge. What’s A Girl To Do? is Cristina’s No Wave hymn to youth in all its destructive glory.
It’s the decade long boredom itch that needs to be scratched constantly by a variety of entertaining strangers. A tale of bruised thighs, empty days and fraudulent evenings spent dangling on the other side of the telephone like a corpse at the end of a noose.
Cristina manages to possess a breathtaking, crystal cool dryness that has never been recaptured in modern pop (apart from her dark disco twin Grace Jones). It’s hard to imagine Marina or even frisky controversy-magnet Gaga, breezily trilling on about depression or passing out with a needle in her hand… It’s Cristina’s wry, jaded tone, her almost robotic detachment as she reels off her lengthy troubles like a shopping list of doom coupled with the cranked up hurdy-gurdy-style electro melody that thankfully veers the song off the truly tragic course into black comedy territory. She’s a post-modern Marlene Dietrich snapping bubble-gum at the dinner party table, an apathetic eye-rolling car crash of cynicism wrapped in an irresistible aristocratic bow.
As her snooty vocals announce her yawning dismay and apparent irrelevance at 22 and the melody screeches, twists, turns and tangles around her like the bed sheets she bemoans, it almost makes a life of leisure a pitiable prospect. Poor old Paris, where is she now?